A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was $250. "$250", the man said. "Well what does he do? "He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost. The clerk replied, $500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer. Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, "$1,000." Curious as to how a bird can cost $1,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was. The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him " Team Leader " !!
Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club.
one of them said to the other one, "hey, i tell u my driver is really stupid. You don't think so?
Let me show you.,and he called his driver banta singh and said, "banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a mercedes."
To which banta replied, "yes sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "see, i told you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "that's nothing, you want to see stupid, i will show you stupid." and he called his driver, santa singh: "santa, go home now and check to see if i'm at home. "santa said, "yes sir!! Right away, sir" and ran home.
"See what i told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if i am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Banta said to santa, "eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a mercedes.....doesn't he know that today is sunday?? The showroom is closed!
Santa replied, “u think he is stupid?? My boss is worse than him,he asked me to go home and check if he is at home or not,He has got a cell phone right,he can just call home and check!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q : Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha ?
A: Adidas.
Q: What will u call a person who is leaving India??
A : Hindustan Leaver.
Q: What will u call a person who leaves India, but doesn't travel much??
A: Hindustan Leaver Limited.
Q: How do u CUT roads?????
A: By LAUGHING.... . Because "Haste haste cut jaye raste".
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, " Pehle date of birth to batao."
Q: What's Ford?
A: Gaadi.
Q: What's Oxford?
A: So simple, Bail Gaadi
Q: Other than being fruits, what is common between an apple and an orange?
A:They both are not a banana..
Q:A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
Guess why ?
A:Because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"..
Little Johnny has a speech impediment. His father taught to him to always be polite to people.
The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, remembering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, "Doog moaning buth driber,"
The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him to the back of the bus.
This goes on for four days.
Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, "Fatter you tell me to be pollite, but when I do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith."
His father says, "Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you."
The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnny’s father says, "Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite."
Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.
His father says, "Go on Johnny."
So Johnny, wanting to be as polite as possible says, "Doog moaning buth driber."
With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Johnny father grabs the drivers hand.
He asks, "Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?"
The bus driver says, "Betause heeth making fun of me"
80,000 Pathans meet in the Peshawar Stadium for a "Pathans Are Not Stupid" Convention.The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Pathans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"A Pathan works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 PAthans start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the Pathan starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 pathans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream..."GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/ friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ... why don't you try again or should i try this time."
3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of...!!!!
5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he' s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!
10:14 AM
Xtreme_Blogger
